Not Sure Where This Is Going

Ever get the feeling that the life you are living is not the life intended for you? Do you ever feel disconnected from the everyday and deep down certain that you have a higher calling that just isn't being fulfilled?

I trudge on, day after day, through what could be a very beautiful life. I am fed and safe and healthy. So are my children. I have the freedom to live life as I see fit -a privilege many women around the world can only dream of. And yet I feel fearful and trapped.

I used to think I knew the difference between right and wrong but these days I cannot make heads or tails of the decisions (or lack of decision) in my life. Am I doing what I am doing out of guilt? virtue? laziness? fear? love? selfishness? I cannot identify my own motivations. Perhaps there is a little truth in each.

I pray and I wait but there is no inspiration or certainty. I ask for a sign and wonder if I'm perhaps a little unstable mentally. What if there is no response because God, as I have imagined God to be, does not exist. Then I start to rail against the small gods I have created. The Father Christmas with his naughty and nice lists, the physician who prescribes bitter medicine for my own good, the loving but impotent old man, the intelligent but impersonal energy that connects us all. How can I believe in all these gods and none of them at the same time?

Intellectually I am aware that God is beyond understanding but emotionally I cannot accept it. Unlike carbon that is transformed to diamond under heat and pressure, I seem to reduce God to one of many juvenile caricatures when spiritual stress sets in. Aware of my mistake, the big fear then sets in: what if no one is watching? What if I have been comforting myself with nothing more than a psychological crutch. Deep down I think I know what I believe, but some days even that comes into question. Am I regressing? Am I losing my faith or just growing up? It seems as if I've been at this place too many times before. Perhaps it's not God but Christianity that is failing me. I mean, other than the life and teachings of Jesus I find it hard to understand let alone respect the God I encounter in the Bible.

But I digress.

If it seems as if I'm all over the place lately it is because I am all over the place. Everything is up in the air and I'm feeling rather foolish with all this juggling.

Not So Delicate Awakening

I want to sit up straight, suffer quietly and break a sweat. I want to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I hunger for righteousness but my laziness overtakes me. My distractions are plentiful and intoxicating. I am a slave to the meaningless and I knowingly subscribe to the illusion, momentarily satieted by big shiny lies. I eat heartily until the sun sets and then groan with regret when I lay down on my pillow at night. It's so quiet. Too quiet.

What if it's real. Really real. What if every prayer is heard and every hair numbered? How can I account for my behaviour other than to say, I just didn't know. Because it's true, I don't know.

I'm haunted by the thought that God is even more than the thought that God isn't.

Are you hanging on these words God? Do you hear you deaf old bastard? Sometimes I hate you.

Apparently only a wicked and adulterous generation looks for a miraculous sign. So be it. I never claimed to be anything but. And yet I don't want you to move a single finger in my direction because I suppose I know which one it will be and I don't need the confirmation.

I Know This Much Is True

There is an infinite and timeless love pulsing through the universe. There is a source of light and mercy and hope and miracles that flows like a river. I am a giver, receiver, creator and destroyer of miracles. There is a conscious, intelligent spirit guiding me. I choose to participate and cooperate with divine wisdom or I choose not to. I can heal and I can wound. God is not separate from me. God is a part of me, bigger than me. God is my source. God is growing and I am helping God expand. God is more than I can begin to define or understand. God is not a He or a She. No religion owns God. No religion owns me.

Paralyzed

I am tired, empty and confused. I feel suffocated by the circumstances in my life. Do I follow my head or my heart? Do I even know what my heart wants anymore? No. Why is the voice of God so hard to distinguish from my wants and fears? God feels a million miles away. I cry and I pray and I sleep away the day. I try to play with the kids and talk to my husband and do the next right thing. But I pretty much feel like the walking dead. Yet, there is something there. A spark of hope. I think I am becoming much better at dealing with suffering. Some days anyway. A lot of days I still find myself looking over the edge and wondering if today is the day I jump. I can't tell you if God is trying to push me off or hold me back. 

I Am Who I AM

Sometimes, the hardest thing to be is yourself, nothing more and nothing less. The past few years I've been peeling back layers of my personality and getting to the fruit. I am coming to accept that I am who I am. Social stuff, even close relationships, weren't easy for me and I have battled feelings of inferiority for as long as I can remember. I didn't think anyone would like me just the way I am. I feared being found out -that people would eventually realize what a fraud I was. If I spent an evening with friends I'd spend the next 3 evenings picking apart every "stupid" thing I said or did. I despised my own words and feelings. I rejected my own story. 

But something really wonderful has been happening lately: I am seeing myself as a child of God and fellow sojourner -just another Bozo on the bus really! 

This perspective of brotherhood heals me in a fundamental way. We are equals. No matter how pretty she is or how intellectual he is or how much compassion or creativity or success they have, I am an equal.

Nowadays, when I catch myself being completely myself there is a quiet freedom that teeters on joy. I can ask questions when I am uncertain without being afraid of looking dumb. I can share my view, even if it's unpopular, without fearing judgment. I can tell my story without feeling shame. Why? Because when I tap into that perspective of brother/sisterhood and seek to share honestly and humbly, I have no facade to maintain or persona to defend. I am no longer speaking to impress, I am simply sharing/engaging without an agenda. At that point, I simply am who I am, nothing more and nothing less.

Then Moses said to God, “Behold, I am going to the sons of Israel, and I will say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you.’ Now they may say to me, ‘What is His name?’ What shall I say to them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”

Questioning 'Questioning Christianity'

Lately I feel less than inspired to blog here at Questioning Christianity and I think it's because I'm not in the same place I was when I started writing. I still have loads of questions, I'm just not as hungry for answers anymore. Or maybe the answers don't satisfy so much because as interesting as it is to debate God stuff it's infinitely more rewarding to experience God stuff. These days I'm keeping busy practicing Christianity rather than studying it. I don't plan to stop blogging but I do think the content has been generally moving in a new direction -one that balances questions with experiences and pays just as much attention to the heart as it does to the head.

20 Spiritual Questions to Ponder

In the documentary ONE: The Movie filmmakers asked well-known spiritual teachers and everyday people philosophical questions that explore the meaning of life. I haven't seen the movie yet but I did read the questions and they are great food for thought. What do I believe? Some answers came easily but others required much more reflection. It's interesting to ponder how my beliefs have changed over the years and consider how they will continue to evolve in the future. Feel free to copy the questions and post your answers on your own blog. Make sure to share a link in the comment section so I can read your answers!

1. Why is there poverty and suffering in the world?

Because the majority of us that could do something about these issues are too far removed from the problem to really care. Humans can be selfish, greedy, fear-filled creatures. We live in an unelightened world.

2. What is the relationship between science and religion?

Science studies creation but religion is focused on the creator.

3. Why are so many people depressed?

They've lost a sense of meaning and purpose. They are disconnected.

4. What are we all so afraid of?

Being criticized, abandoned, forgotten, alone. That death is the end.

5. When is war justifiable?

I don't know.

6. How would God want us to respond to aggression and terrorism?

With prayer.

7. How does one obtain true peace?

By surrendering.

8. What does it mean to live in the present moment?

To act without an attachment to the results, let go of the past and stop trying to control the future.

9. What is our greatest distraction?

The limitless void. The illusion that more (money, stuff, power, recognition, talent, travel, friends, prayer, etc.) will make us happier.

10. Is current religion serving its purpose?

Sometimes.

11. What happens to you after you die?

I'm pretty confident that our spirit separates from our physical body and based on accounts from near-death experiencers I think it is possible that we are guided by spiritual beings and participate in a life review. I believe we continue our education while in the spiritual realms and reincarnate if necessary. I believe hell does exist and some souls go to hell because they have made a conscious decision to reject God. I also believe there are realms beyond imagination in which we enter into communion with God.

12. Describe heaven and how to get there.

Heaven is communion with God. It is experienced when we take up our crosses and follow Christ -when we die to self and become Christlike.

13. What is the meaning of life?

To encounter and transcend adversity. To experience the physical realm, practice free will, embrace life and learn to love. To find pleasure in God's creation.

14. Describe God.

God is the sentient life force that exists in all living things and watches over us at the same time. God is a part of and separate from; intrinsic and transcendent. God is the creator and the creation.

15. What is the greatest quality humans posses?

The capacity to love that which seems unloveable.

16. What is it that prevents people from living to their full potential?

Fear.

17. Non-verbally, by motion or gesture only, act out what you believe to be the current condition of the world.

18. What is your one wish for the world?

That everyone will feel safe and loved.

19. What is wisdom and how do we gain it?

Wisdom is the ability to see the big picture. We gain it by learning from our past and listening to God.

20. Are we all One?

We are, but we don't yet know it.

Does Church Turn You Off God?

About two years ago I started attending a local church on a regular basis. That isn't to say I wasn't seeking a relationship with Him long before that time. As a child I paid attention to God because He was a mysterious, magical being that, like Santa Claus, was creepily watching everything I did. As a teen I suffered paralyzing existential anxiety and turned to (a seemingly deaf-mute) God with big questions about the meaning of life and my place in it. As a young adult I became intrigued with New Age spirituality, yoga and the mind-body-spirit connection. I also attended the occasional Catholic mass or Protestant service. Meanwhile, I had formed a few close friendships with Christians and I was in love with their love for God. Their faith made me thirsty for my own intimate relationship with the Divine, but their churches turned me off.

Surely the God of the universe was infinitely more complex and unknowable than the Sunday school version we were being spoonfed. Those who claimed to know God and His nature often struck me as naive or ignorant in the sweetest possible ways. Not only that, I sensed a cloud of unreality hovering over the Christian subcultures I encountered. Where were all the broken, desperate and needy? Everyone looked pacified, generic and sanitized. If they spoke at all about serious struggles (addiction, domestic violence, depression, etc.) it was in the context of a testimony about their transformation. On several occasions I heard preachers share about God's healing powers but no one around me looked like they needed to be healed. They kept their wounds well hidden. When did the church become a spiritual country club for middle class do-gooders and socialites? Going to church was like watching an ABC Afterschool Special; it felt lame. It didn't inspire me into a deeper relationship with God. If anything, it underwhelmed and disappointed. Or, it felt forced. Much like a person who invades your personal space, the Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour? spiel was desperately awkward. It certainly didn't fan the spark of intimacy that was developing between me and God. It was all too much, too soon.

I was highly suspicious of the prosperity gospel, although I wasn't familiar with that term at the time. I just knew that many churches promoted Jesus as if all your troubles (health, finances, etc.) would melt away if you trusted Him. If only it were that simple. That message is a much loved lie. Truly following Jesus involves carrying your own cross and being a willing participant in your own crucifixion.

Another thing that bothered me as I straddled the line between heathen and Christian was that the relationships between the 'saved' (them) and the 'lost' (me) often felt tainted by agendas or expectations. I can remember feeling like everyone was wearing a Jesus mask and trying to sell me something. I often felt more like a project than a friend. I doubted these people had any interest in remaining my friend if I didn't eventually cross the line -that gulf of belief that separated us. I wondered how long their interest would last. They appeared to care more about leading me to Jesus than me as a person. (I have to add, the longer I stayed in the church the more blurred that line between the lost and the saved became.)

But you know what I've realized? Not everyone in the church is faking it. There are many genuine people who, once you get to know them, will surprise you with their experiences and candor. And yes, there are those who do have simple, straight paths and rather boring stories but does that mean they are any less deserving of our time and attention? Does that mean they have less to offer? It seems to me that prejudice can come from both directions. Those who share struggles aloud and claim to be "keeping it real" are sometimes more critical of people who appear to have it all together than vice versa. Yes, there are those who are severely wounded but work hard to hide their dysfunction and there are people who preach fear and hate disguised as God's plan. But aren't they the saddest cases of all? Their egos are like iron maidens preventing God's love from getting through.They need the kind of love and patience that is rarest of all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is the church community is much more complex than it appears on the surface and it is to our benefit to keep an open mind when we encounter people who don't think about or worship God in the same ways we do. For a long time my knee jerk reactions kept me isolated from the living body of Christ. It took a few years before I realized that I was being just as arrogant and judgmental as those I claimed to be separating myself from. Don't get me wrong, I realize not everyone will feel comfortable in every church and that's okay. But I think it's important to keep looking until you find a community of believers who will help you grow spiritually and support your journey in an authentic way. We come together to challenge and encourage one another, to learn patience, sacrifice and the art of cooperation. We teach one another what love really is and we do it intentionally. No church is perfect, but when our goal is to serve most churches will suffice. A large group with a common goal is much more powerful than the will of any individual.

Hope in the Valley

My fears are big and my chest is tight. I find it hard to breathe right, to pray, to love. Okay God, where the hell are you? I'm so fucking sick and tired. I'm bored, lonely, resentful, easily frustrated and nitpicking. I'm overwhelmed by life's disappointments and all that will never be made right.

The storms rage on across this dying planet, orphan children are sold as sex toys, holy wars hold whole nations hostage and trees that stood when Jesus walked the earth are being cut down for a quick buck. Unfortunately most of us who could make a difference are too preoccupied organizing potlucks, designing blogs and making money to pay for our car insurance to notice all that.

I've resigned, given up and checked out. You are hiding somewhere far away from here God. Perhaps you are on a retreat ministering to suburban housewives or maybe you and Zeus are sipping margaritas on a Greek coast somewhere. Who knows. All I know is I'm having a real hard time seeing you these days. That probably says more about me than you. Probably.

I won't pull myself up by my bootstraps or fake it 'til I make it. I can't ignore, repress or pretend. But I won't allow myself to be paralyzed either. I am blind, deaf and lame and the path has turned into a treadmill but I continue on. I choose to put one foot in front of the other, acknowledging the sham and drudgery without becoming entirely intoxicated by it. I have come to embrace the valleys and be still in the darkness. This too shall pass. Dawn is inevitable.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
~Alexander Pope~

The Security of Certainty

I feel really alone on my spiritual journey lately. I have a messy kind of faith; it rests almost entirely on a personal relationship with God. I do look to scripture for guidance and I seek counsel from those around me, but in the end it's between me and my Father. Some days I'm very good at living in His mystery but I just as frequently find myself desperate for the security of certainty. It's very tempting to believe that the answers are all there in black and white but the good book is full of metaphors, parables, vague and contradictory teachings not to mention a wide variety of translations. Who could possibly get it all right? There is no universal Christian belief system even among those who claim they follow Christ by strict adherence to His word as expressed in the Bible. To understand my leeriness it may help to hear a little about my spiritual journey thus far.

The Roman Catholic Church is the world's largest and oldest Christian denomination. It is also the church I attended most often during my formative years. It's where I learned about Jesus and the sacraments, hierarchy, hypocrisy and the abuse of power. I initially believed in the Catholic Church's authority to interpret scripture and share God's word honestly and accurately but as I grew to learn about the Crusades, the burning of heretics, the selling of indulgences, and the rape of children all trust was shattered. Yet, I sought to heal those wounds and repair my relationship with the Church so I left home and moved a thousand miles to Madonna House Apostolate; a very special Catholic lay community in rural Ontario. It was an amazing opportunity to experience a fellowship of men and women living simple, chaste lives focused on prayer and service. I had intended to stay months but after a few weeks it became apparent that I couldn't regain the blind faith I lost. The land, the lifestyle and the people were beautiful but my heart told me that I did not belong in the Catholic Church any longer. 

A few years later, desperate for reconciliation, I once again returned to the Church of my childhood. With a broken spirit and on bended knee I shared a confession that weighed heavily on my heart. The priest informed me that he could not offer me absolution (forgiveness) and I should refrain from sharing in Holy Communion because my marriage is not blessed by the Church and I am therefore in a perpetual state of sin. Ironically, my sin can be forgiven if I divorce my husband and have the marriage annulled. (Our marriage can never be blessed because my husband's first marriage was indeed a valid marriage.) This experience made me hungry for biblical confirmation of the Catholic doctrine. I read and read but could not find much support for many Catholic practices. At this point I officially became a Protestant. 

I say officially because although I continued to consider Catholicism my true home in the Church I did explore different denominations throughout my youth. A friend and coworker introduced me to the Plymouth Brethren  in the late 1990s and it was like entering a whole new world I didn't know existed in my own community. Brothers and sisters in Christ have very distinct roles: the men teach and preach but women are not permitted to address the congregation. Women also cover their heads in church to hide their glory; but men, being in the image and glory of God are not required to cover their heads. I was also surprised to learn there are no clergy among them -no priest, or minister, or pastor. Each of the men teach and preach as the Holy Spirit leads. They don't believe that unconverted people can really participate in church activities and they teach that gifts of the Spirit (such as speaking in tongues, healing and prophecy) were given to help lay the foundation of the church but cease to exist today.

I attended a handful of weekly services with the Brethren and joined my friend on a mission to Romania where we volunteered in an orphanage for three weeks. I couldn't deny that these people had a hunger for God but I wasn't convinced by the scripture they quoted to support their theology. I just couldn't make my square peg fit their round hole.

When I was in my twenties I also attended a few non-denominational services of a much more charismatic flavour. I saw people speaking in tongues and being brought to the floor as they received the Holy Spirit. I was approached and prayed over by a man and woman who were determined to get me to speak in tongues and drop to the floor. They kept trying to coax me to speak and when nothing happened they told me the 'spirit of resistance' was too strong in me. The man put his hands on my head and spoke strong words and pushed hard on my head. I laid down and closed my eyes just so they'd leave me alone. I do believe in miracles but there were no gifts of the Spirit on me that night and it turned me off completely.

I've also attended Presbyterian, United, Baptist, Eastern Orthodox and Anglican services. I've encountered very different groups of people who follow Christ and support their unique theology and practices by quoting the Bible. I'm not saying that any one of them is right or wrong in their beliefs; the truth is I have no idea because I've lost faith in any one, true authority for interpreting scripture. So, I'm at a place right now where I'm doing my best to continue asking questions and trying to keep an open mind about the answers I receive. Some teachings don't sit well with me so I don't adopt them as part of my personal belief system, but I can't close the door either. I'm not ruling out anything except for teachings that promote intolerance and abuse. I don't believe any father would pit his children against one another. It's not easy following Jesus like this. Most Christians don't know what to do with me. I've been told I'm not a real Christian; that I need to repent; that I'm intolerant of their beliefs; that I'm lukewarm; or that I just need to pray and keep at it, and I'll get there one day. ("There" largely meaning their interpretation of the Bible.)

Honestly, I'm starting to lose heart. I keep sharing my journey because I'm desperate for fellowship and the acceptance you feel when you speak honestly and are still accepted. But the truth is I'm not always accepted and it's a lonely path being the odd one out. The security of certainty, of being "one of us" is tempting, but in the end I can't commit to anything other than the truth of my experiences. I wonder sometimes if it would be easier to drop the Christian label, walk away from the institutions and just follow Jesus with no strings attached. I'm frustrated and confused and scared that maybe I'm doing it all wrong.

In Which I Say Things Christians Shouldn't Say

(This isn't an indictment of ALL churches, ALL denominations, or ALL of the people in said churches. It's meant to be a general look at what I consider to be the darker side of Christianity.)

I sometimes wonder what my old friends and acquaintances think about my coming out. No, I’m not gay; I’m talking about coming out as a Christian. Which, given our current culture, may be much more radical. I can imagine them snickering or thinking I’ve gone a little soft in the head.

It’s been my experience that those who follow Jesus tend to make others uncomfortable. Sometimes, and especially when the new follower develops a preachy, holier-than-thou attitude, the aversion is wholly justified. But often it’s nothing more than the simple fact that you are a follower that repels people. I will confess that I used to think Christians were boring, naïve, ignorant, insular and judgemental. And the truth is, some are. But what a shame that Christianity as a whole has developed this reputation! Many of us see Christians not as spiritual seekers, but as a people who claim to have God all figured out and are quick to tell you (nicely) that not only are your own ideas wrong, but unless you get it right you’ll go to hell.

Even today I feel the need to offer an explanation for my beliefs and distance myself from the pro-war, anti-abortion, homophobic agendas of many Christian groups. A part of me is embarrassed to be involved with a religion that endorsed slavery, promoted racism, oppresses women (I really wish I didn't need to write this in the present tense), burned free-thinkers at the stake, stole children from their mothers and forcefully converted whole nations. It was often the secular world that fought long and hard for the safety and rights of women, blacks and gays –not the church. The Christian church has a history of child rape, violence and ignorance that is unparalleled. (I’m not saying the church wasn’t involved in social change –just that it was rarely a catalyst or united force for such movements. Nor am I saying violence doesn’t exist in other religions, but the breadth and scope of Christian violence is not easily matched in the histories of other organized religions.) Ours is a warring, blood-thirsty religion: we invaded, murdered, and persecuted whole cultures in the name of the gospel; we drink the blood of Christ and purify ourselves with it. And just look at what we did to God: we put the incarnate God on the cross, tortured and murdered Him, and call it His perfect plan for salvation.

Not only that, but Christians also seem hell-bent on keeping others out of God’s Kingdom. We resemble an old boys club in which you must meet certain theological standards and/or practices to be allowed entry. We seem to care less about how you express God’s love and more about what you believe. Do we really think that God is more impressed by our understanding and acceptance of the atonement than our goodwill and charity toward others? I think we are telling people just that when we say, “believe this and you will be saved.” It’s a cheap and cheerful (and wrong) interpretation of Jesus’ message if you ask me. It’s also a way to oppress independent thought and keep people in line. If a Christian questions church doctrine too loudly, or for too long, we tell them they are refusing to submit to the authority of the church; that they are proud and need to repent of their sin. We shame them into submission instead of encouraging them to wrestle with God for the answers.

It seems to me that most of us view God as a record-keeper who judges and redeems based on good works, or as a small God bound by His own law; helpless to save us unless we know and believe the story of Jesus. I have to ask if those of us who believe we are saved by grace through faith have ever doubted? If yes, at what point do we no longer pass the faith test? When our doubts occur more than 10% of the time? 50%? Isn’t having the right kind of faith or enough faith just another form of believing we can do something to earn our own salvation?

We Christians are somehow capable of twisting our brains into reconciling the belief that a) God is loving and merciful and b) sends good (Yes good! I do believe there are good people, even if they aren't perfect.) people  to eternal damnation because they didn't believe in His forgiveness and ask for help. Talk about overkill! That sounds to me like a God who needs to get over Himself.

(And continuing down that rabbit hole, what about babies and children? Do they go to hell? If not then at what point does God not let them eat off the kid's menu and make them pay full-price for their sin? Hey, if we want a black-or-white religion we should at least have the 'facts' straight!)

Maybe we tell ourselves that God gives us free-will to decide whether or not we embrace Him –that we are the ones who reject Him not vice-versa. But can we really trust that all the men and women who reject the Christian religion (perhaps even due to horrendous abuse they endured from people in the church) have made fully informed free-will decisions? Does God not see that they are recoiling like a hand from a hot stove? Will He make them victims once again?

And what about theology –are we arrogant enough to believe that our interpretations of scripture and understanding of God is all correct and complete? If not, at what point does God label us as heretics rather than Christians? (And no, I don't believe God labels anyone Christian; these are rhetorical questions if you haven't already caught on.)

It seems we have to work pretty hard to say and do the right things to fit into God's Kingdom. I’m not saying Christians won’t accept the destitute and depraved: we love a good conversion story. We claim victory over Satan (No, I'm not going there; I've got enough on my plate right now.) when a former pervert or alcoholic gets up and shares their testimony (as if it were the good end to a bad story). But what about when that same alcoholic relapses? Are we more likely to show up at his door to help or to question his conversion in the first place? Maybe he didn’t really get it. His faith wasn’t strong enough. Do we sit in our homegroups and churches to pray for him to come back to Christ or do embrace him, sharing in his pain and bringing Christ to him? Maybe we’re too afraid his sin will rub off on us.

We like to go out into the streets and shelters to help the less fortunate, show them God’s love and teach them about Jesus, but do we invite them into our homes and build real, meaningful relationships with them? Or do they make better projects than friends? Do we build these relationships based on a hidden agenda of converting them to Jesus and then lose interest when it become obvious they really aren’t that interested in being “saved”? Do we look upon them with a mixture of pity and self-righteousness?

What about us? Are we not all sinners in the eyes of God? Or do we, like the pigs in Animal Farm, believe that some animals are more equal than others? Yes, I believe we all make mistakes (are sinners) and that He forgives us equally (His love and grace is enough to cover any sin), but that does not mean all sins are equal. It’s pure nonsense, in my opinion, to believe that telling a white lie to a friend who asks if we like her haircut is just as evil as rape and murder in the eyes of God. (I get that God is infinitely good so any sin, no matter how small, is infinitely bad but that is still not the same thing as saying all sins are equal in severity.)

That’s a long-winded way of saying I’m probably one of the most argumentative reluctant incongruous Christians you’ll come across. If God is truth and love then I have nothing to worry about. I have no doubt He's with me on this journey. I can’t afford to wear blinders, act defensively or fear offending others with my observations and questions -that will only stunt my spiritual growth.I think it’s wise to discuss issues like these because they help us identify and understand our weaknesses, learn from our mistakes and dig down deep as we build the foundations of our faith.